"You Don't Know"

written from Dan's perspective


1) original lyrics in purple
2) my re-write of lyrics in black


"You Don't Know" - original

from "Next to Normal"
lyrics by Brian Yorkey
music by Tom Kitt


DIANA

Do you wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head?
Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?
It's like living on a cliffside not knowing when you'll dive.
Do you know, do you know, what it's like to die alive?

When the world that once had color fades to white and gray and black
When tomorrow terrifies you but you'll die if you look back–

You don't know! I know you don't know.
You say that you're hurting, it sure doesn't show.
You don't know. You tell me let go.
And you may say so, but I say, you don't know.

The sensation that you're screaming, but you never make a sound.
Or the feeling that you're falling, but you never hit the ground.
It just keeps on rushing at you day by day by day by day.
You don't know, you don't know, what it's like to live that way.

Like a refugee, a fugitive, forever on the run.
If it gets me it will kill me, but I don't know what I've done!




INTRO:
Imagine Dan singing this in response to Diana's song. He gets double-time because he's addressing
both Diana's depression (part A) and her mania (part B).


"You Don't Know", pt. A

lyrics by Lisa Kasamoto
springboarding off of Brian Yorkey's lyrics
music by Tom Kitt


DAN

When I come home after work and I find you're still in bed
I'm at a loss for what to do, but place my hand upon your head.
It's like living in a nightmarewhen you say you want to die.
Do you know, do you knowwhat it's like to watch you cry?

When the world goes on around us while our family falls apart
We've got just one child to care for but she needs both of our hearts–

You don’t know! I know you don't know
You say that you give up I say please God, no.
You don’t know, you want to let go
And you may say so but I say, you don’t know.

Your daughter screams for your help, but you cannot hear or see.
Sometimes I'm the one who's fallingbut you're never there for me.
Your emptiness is actually a weight upon my back.
You don't know, you don't know that I hurt from what you lack.

My love, my only choice is to keep you safe and warm
But it’s not my choice when this is the calm before the storm.


BECAUSE…


part B

DAN

Then I wake up in the morning to find you've been up all night.
I'm the one who's making sense, but you'll never see I'm right.
It's like living on a fault line and I know you'll break away.
Do you know, do you know what it's like to live that way?

When you're talking with our son and you say I just can't see
When you rage day after day You're the one who can't see me–

You don’t know! I know you don't know
You say that you're happy. You're out of control
You don't know, I say take it slow
and you may say No, but I say, you don’t know

When you're screaming that I mock you when all I did was smile
When you're falling for another when I’ve been here all the while.
You just keep on going faster 'til you think that you can fly.
You don’t know, you don’t know what it's like to watch you try!

I’m the tree that's in the storm forever standing tall
but I've not been built to bend so what happens when I fall?!



BACKSTORY:
I sat down to do this just to see if I could. It turned out to be very healing. As someone with bipolar disorder, I am Diana and I had a Dan in my life for nine years. I saw Diana winning the argument (that’s what we do!) with the last word, heightened emotion, overpowering octave and volume, something thrown and someone shoved (plus Alice Ripley's unbeatable voice). To find myself able to say, "That's not fair" and step into Dan's shoes and give him a voice... that's the power that "Next to Normal" has to pull things out of me that nothing else could.

In the show, Dan does respond with a song, “I Am the One”, which is perfect emotionally, lyrically, and the way it is sung at the same time as Diana’s. Still, I felt Dan deserved to respond, in the same theme, “No, you don’t know what it’s like for me; no one looks at the healthy one; no one recognizes that I have needs too, especially you.” My instincts were right in that I discovered the song, “I’ve Been”, which is Dan’s heartbreaking side of it, from the earlier incarnation, “Feeling Electric”. The song was cut.

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"Even the Nothing Hurts"

lyrics by Lisa Kasamoto
music borrowed from Tom Kitt's "I've Been"*
to listen to "I've Been", click here

A funeral, I see, when I see spring flowers.
I see a waste of time, in a precious day’s hours.

I taste blood and failure, not the fruits of my wins.
A bitter taste when sweet day begins.

I’m in a corner, lights turned off
Was there some broken rule?
The world’s the one that turned its back
There’s nothing that’s more cruel
when even The Nothing hurts, I say.

Chorus:
It’s unfair, feeling nothing
Can’t miss the life I once had
Yet there’s one nerve, one spark
Enough to keep me that sad!
So, even the Nothing hurts, this way.

Most people feel pain
But I got nothing inside.
No laughter, no grief,
Please tell me, have I cried?!
Even the Nothing hurts, I say.


I hear screaming children, when a bird above me sings
Hear gunshots rip flesh, when the noon school bell rings.

I feel a knife cut deep, in a hug safe and warm.
I never feel sheltered from the storm.

I’m in a corner, lights turned off
Was there some broken rule?
The world’s the one that turned its back
There’s nothing that’s more cruel
when even The Nothing hurts, I say.

Chorus

Bridge:
The wind dries my tears and means they were indeed shed
My own hand steadiesMy chin and raises my head.
I..... begin
I..... hurt within.


I’m in a corner, lights turned off
Was there some broken rule?
The world’s the one that turned its back
There’s nothing that’s more cruel
when even The Nothing hurts, I say.

Chorus

Most people feel pain
But I got nothing inside.
No laughter, no grief
Please tell me, have I cried?!
Yeah-ah!

Unfair, feel nothing
Wanna miss what I had
One nerve, one spark
Oh, it keeps me that sad!
Even the Nothing hurts this way.

Most souls feel pain
I got nothing inside
no laughter, no grief
Tell me, have I cried?!
’cause… everything hurts today.



September 4, 2008

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*I rewrote the lyrics to "I've Been" by Tom Kitt, my favorite song from his musical "Feeling Electric";
the song was cut from the current version, now called "Next to Normal".

original lyrics to be posted

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"I'm Beyond Being a Girl"

original lyrics:

"I Enjoy Being a Girl"

from Flower Drum Song
lyrics by: Oscar Hammerstein II
music by: Richard Rodgers


I’m a girl and I’m me – that’s only great
I am proud that my silhouette is curvy
That I walk with a sweet and girlish gait
With my hips kind of swively and swirley.

I adore being dressed in something frilly
When my date comes to get me at my place
Out I go with my Joe or John or Billy
Like a filly who is ready for the race.

Well, I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curl
I float as the clouds on air do
I enjoy being a girl.

When men say I’m cute and funny
And my teeth aren’t teeth, but pearl
I just lop it up like honey
I enjoy being a girl.

I flip when the fella sends me flowers
I drool over dresses made of lace
I talk on the telephone for hours
With a pound and a half of cream upon my face.

I’m strictly a female female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a great and free male
Who’ll enjoy being a guy, having a girl like me.

When men say I’m sweet as candy
As around in a dance, we whirl
It goes to my head like brandy
I enjoy being a girl.

When someone with eyes that smolder
Says he loves every silken curl
That falls on my ivory shoulder
I enjoy being a girl.

When I hear a complimentary whistle
That greets my bikini by the sea
I turn and I glower and I bristle
But I’m happy to know the whistle’s meant for me.

I’m strictly a female female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a great and free male
Who’ll enjoy being a guy, having a girl like me!




my rewrite:

"I’m Beyond Being a Girl"

let’s call it Flower Drum Scream
lyrics by Lisa Kasamoto, working off of Hammerstein II's lyrics
music by Richard Rodgers

I’m a girl and I’m me – a lousy fate
I’m aghast that my silhouette is curvy
So I walk with a swagger, strutting gait
With every convention topsy-turvey.

I abhor being dressed in something frilly
When my date comes to get me at my place
Out I go with my Jo or Dawn or Jilly
Like a filly who is ready for the race.

Damn, I have a brand new hairdo
my eyelashes all in curl
I don’t wanna be made over!
I’m beyond being a girl.

When men say I’m cute and funny
My teeth grind; I want to hurl
Please don’t call me “Honey”
I’m beyond being a girl.

I flip him off when the fella sends me flowers
I laugh at dresses made of lace
I don’t stand at the mirror for hours
I’m just me – this is my one and only face.

I’m strictly a tomboy female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a carefree female
Who’ll enjoy being a girl, finding true love with me.

When men say I’m sweet as candy
A warning flag I unfurl
I need a stiff drink of brandy
I’m beyond being a girl.

When someone with eyes that smolder
Says he loves every silken curl
I swear and I punch him on the shoulder
I’m beyond being a girl.

When I hear a complimentary whistle
That greets my tee-shirt by the sea
I turn and I glower and I bristle
To make sure that that whistle’s not for me.

I’m strictly a tomboy female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a carefree female
Who’ll enjoy being a girl, knowing true love with me!



1998

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The other rewrites of lyrics were inspired by the amazing Next to Normal.
This one had a less lofty inspiration, that the only time you’ll catch me as
a girly girl would be on Halloween.

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